one massive thing I've discovered about myself amongst the two billon others in the last fifty days is I'm extremely relational. i just want to be with people I love. I don't care if we're driving down the road singing an overplayed song, binge watching Netflix or cooking breakfast for dinner, I just want to be with people. it makes me feel alive.
people are the best medicine. so often the way God chooses to heal us is through people, and I think that's beautiful. he could easily snap his fingers and decide he wants us to be brand new. sure, that would work and he would get the glory. but something tells me it just wouldn't feel right. instead, he sends us people that he has perfectly equipped to help heal us. these people don't come with hypnotic devices & over priced oils to soak you in, however they might come with addictive laughs & overpriced coffee. you start doing life with somebody, and I mean real life where you cry, laugh and word vomit all your problems to them, and before you know the pieces start coming back together. you start realizing that you're more you than you've been in months, maybe possibly years. and you start noticing that things inside of you are fixed that you never knew were broken.
community in itself is so crucial. there is something about realizing you're not in this alone. there is something about knowing if you wake up at 3 am upset, you have a phone number to call that you know will have an answer on the end of the line. or knowing I can lean down to the bunk under mine practically in tears and Rachel will scoot over to make room for me. I wake up every morning to someone hugging me and another bringing me coffee because they know how to love me. I get ready in a bathroom the size of my closet with 8 of my closest friends. and sometimes it's difficult, sometimes I can't find my hairbrush for days or I'm out of toothpaste because what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. but at the end of the day, we're community. and it's a beautiful thing. I wouldn't trade these days for all the money or cadeburry chocolate in the world. I'm learning about myself. I'm learning about others. I'm learning about the heart of my father and the way he loves me in such little ways.
in 12 short days I'll be sleeping in my queen size bed. Abbie won't be above me and Rachel won't be below me. I'll never have to worry about not being able to find my favorite shirt or lack of bobby pins. I don't like to think about it, but it's reality.
but my mission trip can't end when my feet touch American soil. in fact my mission trip can't ever end. I must take every memory, moment, lesson, smell and taste with me or what was the point? to have cool pictures and good story to tell? absolutely not. I'm never going to unsee the things I've seen. or unlove the people I've loved so radically. I have to take this with me. I have to apply it to my everyday, American lifestyle.
these 9 weeks have impacted me in ways that someone who wasn't here won't ever understand. and thats okay, just know that I've learned about myself, learned new skills, learned I can have more love for complete strangers than I ever thought possible. but most important remember that I've learned that Jesus is so good to his children. I've learned he speaks to us in things as little as the way the wind blows the dirt or the way the valleys are so green or through a toothless grin of a little babe out the window. I've learned that this life I'm living is so much bigger than me and the career I decide on or who I spend time with. my life is just a very small piece of God puzzle, and probably not even an end piece. probably one of those pointless middle pieces that can be done without. but God didn't do without me. he created me, not because I'm needed but because he wanted me. and not because I'm gonna change the world all by myself but because I play a small role. and that's the beauty of it, my friends.
so here I am, days away from kissing this beautiful country goodbye. tears of all types fill my eyes as I type this. Tears of thankfulness, excitement, devastation, anxiousness expectation and nerves. Uganda I pray I will see you again soon, thank you for leaving me better than you found me.
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