A wakeup call.

I'm gonna go ahead and start this post with pointing out and admitting that i am not a reader. I am not one of those people who just cant put a book down until it is finished. A book has to be something i am truly interested in for me to even enjoy it. And yes, i know that is not ideal and reading is something that i should love, but it's just not. I often tell myself i was not wired that way and i will never enjoy it. But my mother constantly pushes me to be 'a reader' because it can be very beneficial. 

Now with that said, Kayla gave me a book for my birthday called  Love Does. I gave her a funny smirk across the breakfast table as i opened my gift. She knows me better than most people, which means she knows i don't read for fun. But she assured me that she had heard great things about this book and it was about Uganda and loving on people so she thought it might interest me. Well i finally picked it up today and read the introduction and first few chapters, and she was right. (Which shouldn't have surprised me.)

Today as i read through the pages of Bob Goff journey through life a phrase struck me. 

"Jesus told the people He was with that it's not enough to just look like you love God. He said we'd know the extent of our love for God by how well we loved people."

 I read through the phrase 3 times saying it out loud, talk about a wakeup call. People don't base how much i love my Savior by my church attendance record or how fast i can do Bible drills. But they base it simply off how i treat them and others. As i started replaying the past couple weeks in my head i know that i have hurt people and not really even thought twice about it. And because of my careless acts people might have changed the amount they believe that i love Jesus. It's easy to read that and think "Well i'll do better next time." But i ACTUALLY want to do better next time, i want to be more aware of my words and my actions. I want for people to hear my name and not be able to say a bad thing about me. Not for my own pride but for my love my precious Savior. 

I challenge you to do the same thing. I'm not asking anyone to sacrifice anything major or become someone you're not. I just want you to think things though before you say and do them, and ponder how it will make you love for Jesus look.   

When times are rough, He is still good.

Isn't it weird how you can find out news that takes you seconds to hear and days to process? Well that's kinda where i am right now. Sometimes you aren't prepared to hear the words that someone has to tell you. Almost to the point where you have to put the thought off until a later time when you can really sit and think about it because your brain is spinning a million miles an hour.

Last Friday i received a phone call that caused me to have one of those moments. I sat on my brothers couch in his room speechless as i listed to Lydia tell me that Kayla had been diagnosed with cancer. At first i didn't believe it, i just kept asking if she was sure. I'm known to be quite the little optimist so the next thing i said was "It's all going to be okay." But right after those words came out of my mouth and my ears heard i thought "...but what if it's not." I hung up the phone, walked up the stairs, and basically collapsed on my kitchen counter. You always hear stories of people your age finding out they have a deathly disease and think how terrible it is, but you never think it would be your best friend.

Just a few days before this i had told Lydia that she shouldn't worry about Kayla because i had an unexplainable peace about the situation. I thought the peace was that whatever was wrong with Kayla would be nothing serious and an easy fix. But thinking back on it, i think it was just a peace that Kayla is going to be okay. I still have that peace, and i have total faith in The Lord to restore Kayla to perfect health. It doesn't make sense when these kind of things happen, and it makes you want to start questioning Jesus. It is one of those times where you begin to doubt the Lord's plan and think everything is going wrong. You feel like He's made a mistake and He just doesn't understand. But what we don't think about is how truly WE don't understand. He has such bigger plans for Kayla then she had for herself. I've heard Kayla's plans for life a million times, and i'll be the first to tell you she dreams big. She had big plans that were good for the rest of her life, but God had HUGE plans that were GREAT. Through this experience Kayla and everyone behind her are not only going to learn how to fully rely on God, but she is going to come in contact with so many people she would have never laid eyes on. I know that the plans God has for Kayla to change so many people's lives are even more than my brain can process. I can not wait to see how he uses this season in her life for the good.

Now i'm not saying that every step of this journey is going to be fun, or even joyful. But i know that even when times are bad, God is good. Some days it is much easier to say that than others, and right now i'll be honest, its not easy. But i am trusting and i am putting all of my hope in the One who holds the world. I have no doubt that He will bring great things out of this, and guide Kayla through it holding her hand every step of the way.

Patience.

Why is it that it is the hardest to listen to what God has to say when things aren't going how you want them too? Is it because you don't believe what He is trying to tell you is true? Is it because you are impatient and feel like He is wrong? Or maybe is it because you know He's right and you don't want Him to be?

For me it is definitely the last one. When things are out of hand and out of my control i panic a little. I think to myself, this is not how this should be going. But when i open my Bible and Jesus sweetly speaks to me and says "I've got this under control, my plan is greater." it makes me relieved yet hopeless at the same time. I am relieved because i know by looking at my past that His plan is truly greater. But i feel hopeless because i can't change anything He is doing, and i have to be patient. And yes, i know in the end i will be extremely grateful that He is in control of my situations, but right now i can't see the end. Right now all i can see is being in the middle of a wonderful plan that looks like a tornado at the moment.

When i feel this way i always do the same thing, pray for patience. You have to be careful praying for patience though, because He's gonna give you a reason to have to be patient. But i feel like if you have patience you will have so much more joy in your life. Without patience you are always look at what's next, and ready to take on what is ahead as fast as you can get it. But what you don't realize at the time is that you're breezing through where God has you now. And you very well could be missing things that He placed in your story for a reason. So if you can live for the moment and be thankful for where you are now, and not worried about what tomorrow holds you will enjoy life a lot more. Promise.

He is Better.

"Jesus said to her, did i not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?"
  John 11:40


The 'her' Jesus is talking to is me. Maybe it wasn't originally when John wrote this, but right now it is. I don't know why i am always thinking my plan is greater. Why i often question God's direction in my life is something that i constantly ponder. I amaze myself thinking that i know better than the hands that knit me together. And if you're like me and do that often, don't worry, Jesus will quickly bring you to the end of yourself.
I have been so worried over things that God has had in His hands and heart since July 9, 1995. Things that he has had under total control and I've questioned his motive on every day. I vow from this very day to try my very hardest to not worry over things that He has taken care of.
Thank you Jesus for always showing me that you are better. Better than my fears and my joy. You're better than this world and better than me.